The Bachelor‘s Rachael Kirkconnell is facing the music during the After the Final Rose special. 

After the graphic designer was revealed on Monday, March 15 as the winner of Matt James’ season, she sat down with host Emmanuel Acho, and later with Matt himself. The conversations stemmed from resurfaced photos of Rachael attending an Antebellum plantation-themed fraternity party and the ensuing controversy that led Matt to end their relationship shortly after the season finished shooting. 

When Emmanuel asked Rachael what went through her mind when seeing a photo of herself at the party, she explained that she now recognizes her previous “ignorance without even thinking about who it would be hurting. I never once asked myself at any point, ‘What’s the tradition behind this? What does this represent?'”

Rachael went on to say that she initially felt “confused” and “blindsided” when Matt called her to end their romance.

“I thought about how strong I thought our relationship was,” she continued. “So for him to end things, he must have been very, very hurt by everything. It was hard, because I lost the love of my life, but in the process of that, I hurt him while doing so.”